Worst music trend of 2009

Since we are nearing the end of 2009, a simultaneously amazing and crappy year for music, I decided to start a "Superlatives of 2009" type series. These are not just local bands, but a few local bands are included in some of the upcoming posts. In each post, I'll give a few nominees for a category with a little explanation, and the ultimate winner. Agree? Disagree? Let me know.

Alright, as I said above, 2009 was a a really crappy year for music. Some of the most horrible trends started cropping up and becoming like quickly spreading viral infections throughout their own specific scenes. The following four nominees come from different scenes, and it's really hard to pick a winner but by the end of this post, maybe I will have come up with one.

Worst Music Trend of 2009

1. AutoTune: There is a such thing as good hip-hop and R&B. It's not really what I'm into, but I can concede when something is really fucking good. Anything that has AutoTune on it I GUARANTEE is not good. In 2009, all of a sudden everywhere you went every song had T-Pain in it, who we all know sounds like shit without AutoTune, otherwise he would appear in a song without it sometime. Except he doesn't. Evidence of the shittiness... "All The Above," "Blame It," "I'm On A Boat." Can you tell any of these songs apart? I'm guessing the answer is no. AutoTune and T-Pain are just gimmicks for untalented people who want to get popular and famous fast and easy.

2. That first one leads me to... Crunkcore, dancecore, crabcore, pop/dance shit that for some reason Warped Tour kids like. I'm talking about bands like BrokeNCYDE. 3OH!3. Millionaires. Attack Attack! Their exclamation point, not mine. Fuckin' Family Force 5. See, it's like this. "Let's water down actual respectable genres of music and add the most ridiculous elements to it, the farthest thing away from metal, hardcore, or punk possible. We can wear tight jeans and have our hair fall in our eyes and all the kids who won't admit to their friends that they like T-Pain will eat it right up because they don't know any better. Of course Warped Tour, which once had a lot of awesome bands (like Blink-182, the Offspring, NOFX, the Bouncing Souls, etc.) will become a joke, but hey, why should we care? We're selling ridiculous neon T-shirts and the kids know our name!" Crunkcore, dancecore, crabcore, etc. are just gimmicks for untalented people who want to get popular and famous fast and easy.

3. Electronic-tinged Indie Clones. Seriously, I feel like every time I turn on the radio to an alternative station, an army of hipsters is coming after me. Bearded, tight flannel shirt + beanie + thick framed glasses + Converse-wearing zombies. My issue here is this. Some of these bands are actually good. MGMT has a good song here and there. Passion Pit has one. Phoenix's "1901" is very catchy and I can take it in small doses. I like that song by Metric... "Help I'm Alive" is the name, I think. But when I turn on WFNX in the car or while I'm doing homework and I hear them pay "Kids" and then "The Reeling" and then "1901" and then "Help I'm Alive" and then "Kids" and then "The Reeling" and then "1901" and then "Help I'm Alive"... Then go to a ten minute commercial break and then do it all over again... I can't handle it. I just cannot handle it. There is other good alternative music out right now that people can appreciate. The radio waves are not solely made for the hipster, and WFNX used to be a badass rock station. Damn.

Alright we're down to the 4th nominee. And the one that I think is the winner...

4. Taylor Swift. Her lyrics are so effing corny. That thing about Juliet? What the hell is that?? Also, she may sound decent on the radio, but watch her perform sometime. Even with all of the high tech expensive sound equipment, even with the choice to put effects on her voice while singing live, she just is not a good vocalist. The girl cannot sing. Seriously, I could sing better than her and trust me I do not have a good voice at all. I'm sure you're thinking, she doesn't seem as heinous as the rest of these people. But the thing is, with AutoTune, you can pretty easily choose to ignore the scene that you hear a lot of that in. Same thing with all the pop-core crap. Just don't pick up Alternative Press magazine, no problem. Tired of hearing the same hipster indie songs over and over again? Turn off the radio. But with T-Swift, you CANNOT GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HER. Pick up any magazine, she's in an ad or there's an article. Turn on the TV and she's in commercials and appearing on every television show that wants her. She's all over iTunes and the Amazon mp3 site. Seriously, go live in a cave in the middle of the most remote forest in Canada. No problem, she'll just start haunting your dreams. She's getting multiple American Music Awards and nominated for something like at least 5 Grammys! And she can't even sing. And the thing is in some scenes, not being able to sing is acceptable, it's part of the charm of the music. But not with pop music, or with country music. Well, okay. With country music. But not with pop music! Taylor Swift is just a gimmick of an untalented person that people like because it's easy to like pop music AND SHE WILL NOT GO AWAY!

Congratulations, Taylor Swift, on another award easily won: you are the Worst Music Trend of 2009! At least you can say you deserved this one!

Cue Kanye West... "Yo, Taylor, I'm happy for you, and I'mma let you finish, but I AM THE WORST THING TO HAPPEN TO MUSIC OF ALL TIME! OF ALL TIME!!!"

Cut to commercial.